Original content by Ashley Berges
Does it feel like you always seem to attract a person with narcissistic tendencies? What is it about you that attracts narcissists? We need to know why this is happening and begin to understand what we can do to change it.
There are several reasons why we are narcissist magnets.
First and foremost, narcissists can be a lot of fun to be around. They are outgoing and possibly physically attractive. It can be like a moth to a flame. They are upbeat, have a lot of energy, and seem to be liked by everyone. We feel and connect with their energy. This energy draws us in and is usually the start of the relationship, whether it’s a friendship or romantic relationship.
Another aspect of this attraction is that a lot of us are people pleasers. We want to make other people feel good and make sure they are happy. We tend to take on their emotions even when we do not need to. If we are people pleasers, we are outgoing and want to make sure the other person is okay and doting on them. Remember a narcissist likes any type of attention, whether it is positive or negative.
People tend to think that a narcissist goes after frail unsuccessful people. This is not the case. A narcissist goes after someone nice, outgoing, successful, and good-looking. They want the other person to make them look good. They are going to go after someone strong, outgoing, and nice.
How we are raised may also explain why narcissists are attracted to us. Many of us are not aware that one or both of our parents had many signs and symptoms of narcissism. If you have not examined and understood your parental dynamic, you might not be aware of the link between the pathology and the people in your life.
We need to look back at the people that raised us. We have to see how they behaved, how they treated us, how we treated them, and how we are trained to treat them. This will help us realize why certain people are in our lives. This will begin to make sense. If we were raised by a narcissist or someone with narcissistic tendencies, we are used to the behavior and accept it into our lives.
Many of us have the savior complex. We want to help and save everyone no matter what. The savior wants to help the narcissist see their value. We see their potential more than they have. Often in wanting to save everyone, we overlook the red flags. We think that if we provide them with enough love and support they will emerge from whatever this is and discover their truth. There is a percentage that this might happen, but sometimes the other person does not even know that there is anything wrong with them. They may think there is something wrong with you and not change at all. No matter how much work you do, they are not going to change.
Being an empath is another aspect in which narcissists will be attracted to you. Being an empath is cool but one must be very careful with that. Sometimes we can be around people who will exploit our empathic abilities. An empath tends to want to rescue everyone and also tends to the potential in people instead of what they are doing. Instead of looking at real actions, they are looking at potential, looking deep within that person, even though that person may not be looking deep within themselves.
Another aspect of the impact of a narcissist on an empath is that the narcissist will say things to the empath that will make the empath feel good about themselves. In the moment the narcissist may feel this way but it also goes a long way for the empath. The empath feels like someone sees their value. This is not from an ego point of view, sometimes as an empath we don’t get a lot of accolades and it feels good and can keep us in a relationship even if we do see the red flags.
Being co-dependent is another aspect that attracts narcissists. When we are co-dependent, we are giving and nice, but there is also the concept of being needy and clingy. We allow the person with narcissistic tendencies to dominate almost all situations. The co-dependent does this because they do not want to lose the relationship, be alone, or have been trained by their narcissistic parents to give until it hurts. A lot of times with co-dependency we allow people to walk on us because of our fear of them leaving or the fear of hurting their feelings.
All of these combinations fit together like two puzzle pieces. The narcissist is looking for someone’s attention, to be taken care of, and the other person wants to take care of or save someone else. Both an empath and a co-dependent provide exactly what the narcissist is looking for. The narcissist can get what they want without working hard to get it.
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