Post Toxic Relationship Blueprint: Moving into a Healthy You

This post was written by Rhonda Wasserman

Original content by Ashley Berges

What happens when we realize we are in a toxic relationship, do the work to exit the relationship, and look around to see we are on our own? How do we change our lives and power ourselves up to figure out who we are?

We need to be able to figure out how to move on healthily. We have the idea of what makes someone narcissistic and understand that there is a lot of narcissism on our planet, even though some people will argue with us about that. The interesting part of all of this is that we do not have to live with it. We do not have to deal with it daily if we choose not to. 

Now that we are in the space of trying to figure out what is healthy for us, find out who we are, find the blueprint in our lives, and what we bring to the table, we can begin to look for other people in our lives. We need to figure out what kind of relationships we are looking for and how we will interact within these relationships. 

The first thing we need to do is identify ourselves as individuals. What do we stand for, and what are our values? What are the things that are very important to us? We need to become aware of the things that we have to have in our life no matter what? What do other people have to bring to the table to interact with us?

One of the big reasons that a lot of us found ourselves in toxic relationships in the past is that we just accepted people. We did not want to be alone or they presented themselves differently in the beginning of the relationship. We allowed the red flags to be. In the past we wanted the attention and they were giving us the attention that we wanted but eventually, things changed. 

We have taken the blinders off and begin to realize a lot of aspects of our lives as well as some co-dependency and childhood issues that have led us into toxic relationships. So what do we do next?

The most effective approach is to start recognizing our values and begin to grasp who we are as individuals. Finding out what we have given up in these previous toxic relationships that we do not want to sacrifice again is the greatest way to approach this. What are the values or things that we had to sacrifice in the relationship?

Many people have had to sacrifice relationships within their family dynamic or friends. It is important to reconnect with those relationships. We have to ask ourselves why we allowed this to happen in the first place. We tend to go down the slippery slope of agreeing to one thing after another. All of a sudden we look back and are not able to identify ourselves anymore. We no longer are who we felt we were. 

Often journaling about the things that we have felt bad about and the things that have hurt our feelings will help us understand the impact that it has had on us. We can then look at it and think about the things that we will never do or allow in our lives again. Whether it’s cutting out family members or friends or doing things we do not want to. It is about getting our power back and analyzing what makes our lives good and feel healthy. We need to see what our choices are rather than the choices that other people have for us. 

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