Original content by Ashley Berges

“Please, believe me, I swear I have changed.” “ It is different this time, I have changed.”  Have you ever heard those exact words from your significant other?  Should you take them back, is this change for real this time?

 We hear the words, “I have changed,” thrown around a lot.  Often, they are just words without any action. Let’s expose 9 red flags that the person claiming to have changed, has not changed.  

9 Red Flags

1.  The Pattern

There is a consistent pattern for a person who has not changed.  They tell you they have changed but within a few days they are right back to their old patterns of victimization and  blaming you for the things they have done. 

2.  They Make the Same Mistakes

You can see them making the same mistakes as they did previously.  The other person is  unable to see the part they are playing in the real mistakes.  They feel like everything is  happening to them.  Instead, they should be looking back and be able to identify that they may be co-creating the situation.  

3.  They do not Take Responsibility

Your significant other is not taking responsibility for their actions or attitudes.  As a result, when you call them out on it, they tend to manipulate you to prove that it is your fault.  They may use gaslighting techniques to cause you to believe you were part of it  and feel guilty.  

4.  Not Self-Aware

Your partner is not self-aware enough to realize how their actions affect you.  They may not even care how it affects you.  They are very self-centered in their actions and do not consider how you will feel.

      

5.  Gaslighting and Manipulation are still Present

Whether done subconsciously or not, you are still being gaslit and manipulated.  When these techniques are used; it proves that the pattern cycle has not been broken. Furthermore, this demonstrates that they are not taking responsibility for their actions.

6.  Playing the Victim

Folks that have not changed continue to play the victim, making everyone else out to be the problem.  No matter what happens, it is because of what someone else has done or said. They are unable to see that it could be their responsibility.  Playing the victim makes what they are doing ok to them.

7.  Pushing Boundaries

If you have boundaries, they will try to push them as far as possible.  This indicates that the other person does not see your value, they do not see their value either.   This is an indication of an unhealthy relationship. Therefore, If someone does not respect boundaries that are placed in a relationship, it means that they do not respect you.  

 

8.  It is all about Them

Your partner rarely asks about your feelings or thoughts.  It is usually about their pain or whatever they are going through.   They want your full attention on their issues. When it comes to you, they barely want to be a part of what is going on in your life. 

9.  Know it all Attitude

When it comes to knowledge, they seem to know it all.  Sometimes what they want to talk about is a topic they know very little about.  Someone who has made real changes knows what knowledge they have, and can give real suggestions or advice.  When someone seems to know it all, they lack self-awareness and are extremely self-centered.

When your partner says they have changed we want to believe them.  It is important to give them some time to see if they have, or have not changed.  If you realize they have not changed and the red flags are present, you need to figure out how much more time you want to put into the relationship.  It‘s time to focus on yourself and find someone who has done the work and is ready to be at your level. 

To learn more, watch the entire video on Youtube