How to Identify and Stop Judging Yourself

This post was written by Rhonda Wasserman

Original content by Ashley Berges

We tend to judge and compare ourselves to others.  Social media has made it even more difficult to not compare yourself to what others are talking about and achieving.

Have you taken the time to look at someone’s Facebook descriptions? It is straightforward to get caught up in the accomplishments and adventures of a Facebook friend.  The simple question of, what do you do for a living, may give you a reason to compare yourself to them.  The world has caused us to feel insecure about ourselves, believe everyone is more successful than us, and undermine our achievements.  

Several indications identify when you may be judging and comparing yourself to others:

You keep thinking about all the things you have not accomplished:

You constantly find yourself thinking about all the things that you have not done.  It’s easier to focus on your failures instead of your accomplishments.  This line of focusing gets you off task.  We are too busy thinking about the negative instead of all the positive we have accomplished.

You compare other people’s success to yours:

This comparison causes you to feel discouraged about your specific success.  You should feel good about what you are doing in your given field.  The problem is you tend to look at someone else’s success and this causes you to feel discouraged

You focus on somebody’s age, especially if they are younger:

Some people determine success by age.  Even though you may be successful, you find it difficult when someone younger has surpassed your success level.  This can cause you to feel like you are aging but failing.  

You feel like you are not good enough:

You are constantly looking at your shortcomings, and failures, and feel like everyone else is doing more successful things.  Often, you are not able to see your accomplishments and successes and you are not seeing other people’s failures.  There is a tendency to compare yourself to something unobtainable and possibly not accurate.

The following are four things to realize when you find yourself judging and comparing yourself to others:

Things to consider:

When we judge ourselves we get off our target. 

 Anytime you judge yourself in a negative way or against other people to make yourself feel better, it takes you off target, out of the moment, and not focusing on what you need to be.

When we judge ourselves, we are not accomplishing our goals:

To accomplish goals, we need to let go of judgment, negativity, and belief in the process.  If we are judging what is going on, we are not believing in ourselves.  We see the negative instead of the positive.

When we judge ourselves, we are not being truthful:

When we judge ourselves against other people, making ourselves feel bad, we are not seeing the truth.  Judging ourselves is based on an image or betrayal of the other person.  When we do this, we are doing ourselves an injustice because it is not the truth.

When we judge ourselves, we lose our direction:

This happens when we are actively working and finding success.  Often, the more successful you are the more likely you begin to look at others and question whether they are doing better than you.  The judgment that places negative thoughts in our minds is used to make us feel bad.

The next time you catch yourself doing self-judgment and making yourself miserable realize that you do not deserve this, it is not the truth and it’s designed to get you off target.

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