What Does it Mean to Work on Yourself?

This post was written by Rhonda Wasserman

Original content by Ashley Berges

Working on ourselves is something we should all take the time to do. But what does it mean to work on ourselves? To understand what it means to work on ourselves, first, we must think about the order in which we need to do it.

Where do we begin when we want to work on ourselves? There is a curriculum that we must go through to be able to successfully work on ourselves.

Odds are we are in a relationship where we are dealing with some challenges. We need to understand what the challenges are, what the dynamic is, and how it triggers and impacts us. This process can take some time. This will help us understand a lot of the things we are dealing with. Once we can get past this, we can put it aside and begin to work on ourselves. 

First, we need to look at our belief systems, our core belief system. This can be a struggle for some because we have not listened to ourselves. We have gotten to know everyone else’s likes, wants, and desires, but not our own. Many of us have were never taught that we should go inside ourselves, and find out more about who we are.

Many of us were raised in a family dynamic where our feelings and emotions did not matter. Consequently, we have never worked to process our feelings. It is very important to connect with this when we are working on ourselves. Being able to accept the fact that we have emotions and feelings and can process them, is a form of self-care.

Once we find our core beliefs, we can then figure out our core wounds. These core wounds are what cause the painful situations that happen in our lives with relationships. Knowing this allows us to see things much clearer. It gives us an understanding of why we feel the way we do, and why things have happened. It gives us an “ah ha” moment to our understanding.

Processing our childhood trauma will provide us with a lot of knowledge and wisdom. As a result, this will allow us to begin to love ourselves differently. As we work through this, we will develop a growing understanding of ourselves. It is very powerful to see ourselves as people who deserve to have love, be understood, and have our own emotions.

Another critical piece of the puzzle is understanding our values, what we stand for, and who we are. Through these values, we can work on our boundaries. It is powerful to know who we are and not let others walk all over us. We should not compromise ourselves in unhealthy situations. Furthermore, as we go through this process, we will begin to understand our programing.

Once we can identify the other elements in our lives, we can begin to see how we have been programmed to act a certain way throughout our lives. We start to realize that the programming is not who we truly are, we are separate from this programming. This leads us to our understanding of why we felt a certain way and why we have a particular way of doing things throughout our lives. It is an understanding of why we do what we do.

Understanding our programming allows us to work on self-acceptance, self-worth, and value. Once we get to this point, we can begin to work on self-love. Eventually, we can get to a place where we have “ah ha” moments daily. We can express ourselves, fill in the missing blanks, and understand the programming. 

When we can understand our programming, we can bring our partners back into the situation. The time will be right to work on the communication between yourself and your partner. Hopefully, our partners have done some work on their own while we were working on ourselves. Consequently, this will allow for solid communication between both of you. If they have not done the work, the communication will continue to break down.

When we talk about working on ourselves, it may seem like a lot, but it is worth it. The value of doing the work will have a huge impact on our lives. Purpose is about finding out whom we are, understanding ourselves, and finding unconditional love for ourselves. Until we can find this, we are not able to unconditionally love anyone else.  

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