Original content by Ashley Berges
Is love bombing manipulation or is it real? We need to know where this love bombing is coming from and why it is happening.
Many people are either the love bomber or the one being love bombed. No matter the role played, it takes two to tango. It can feel very good while it is happening, but when the love bombing stops it feels horrible.
There are many questions that need to answers when it comes to love bombing.
One key question is to establish whether the love bombing is real or fake. In other words, is it real love or is it manipulation? In most cases when dealing with certain types of love bombing it is not manipulation. The person doing the love bombing believes what they are doing; at that moment, is true love. They feel very strongly about the other person, often believing that the other person is perfect and can do no wrong. They hold them up with high regard.
Sometimes we believe we have fallen in love without ever meeting the person face to face. Another question is, how can this person be so in love that we have not even met in person? When you are being love bombed, the person has created a narrative in their mind. This narrative becomes larger than life. It is easier to create this narrative when you have not met the other person because nothing can ruin the image.
In a relationship when love bombing is taking place, it feels very good. Later, when the love bombing is no longer taking place, it does not feel good. It leaves you wondering what you may have done wrong.
We all have some type of programming and tendencies that cause us to do what we do. Some of these tendencies originate from our attachment styles. These attachment styles originate from the way we have been raised. Most likely you were either able to confidently go to your parents with your concerns. However, you may not have able to share anything with them at all.
We also can see tendencies of BPD, NPD, and histrionic personality disorder. These tendencies also contribute to our attachment styles.
We all have some type of tendency. Love bombing comes directly from not only a fear of abandonment, but the desire to get someone to love, take care of, and be there for you. Love bombing is almost like safeguarding yourself to keep someone in your life.
When someone makes you out to be larger than life, they put you on a pedestal. A narrative is created that you are everything this person has ever wanted. You fall into the narrative, and the other person sees all the best things about you.
The pedestal can feel very good. Most often we do not realize we are on a pedestal. We do not realize what is happening until we are no longer being love bombed. An interesting thing about the pedestal phase is that you cannot stay on it forever. Eventually, falling from the pedestal for something you have said or something you have done.
A third question often asked is, why was I once on the pedestal at one point, and now no longer am? Often, we do not realize what has taken place that made things change. If you find yourself in this situation, look back to the days before things seemed to have changed in the relationship. Most likely something may have taken place that caused your significant other to start questioning you. Perhaps they tell you that you look different or you’re acting differently. These comments may not feel very good
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