Feeling Controlled? Here is how to figure out if it’s Happening to you.

This post was written by Rhonda Wasserman

Original content by Ashley Berges

Do you feel like you are walking on eggshells in your home? Do you live in fear of your spouse’s outbursts, causing you to monitor your every word and action around them?  

We need to be able to have our own feelings and emotions. Even if these feelings are different from someone else.  Sometimes, by restricting other individuals’ feelings or emotions, members of a household can have control over others. We allow them to control us as well as live in fear because of their possible outbursts and anger, catering to the other person to keep the peace. Additionally, we may believe that if we keep the status quo, showing no feelings or serious conversations, we will be able to get through whatever it is.  

Very often we are listening to our significant other tell us how they feel. They tell us how we do not listen to them and that we are overreacting. We are convinced by them that there is something wrong with us, we have the problem. 

Do you feel like you are in a situation where you cannot express yourself? Over time when we are not able to honestly express ourselves, we begin to repress our feelings and emotions. As a result, we begin to feel numb as if we don’t have any feelings or emotions, and may even feel like there is something wrong with us.  

Several indications will help to identify if you are in a relationship that prevents you from expressing your real feelings.

1.  The first indication is that you cannot express yourself honestly.

You have feelings, thoughts, and suggestions but you do not tell your significant other. You hold back because you know they will not agree with you, find fault, or get angry at you.

2.  The second indication is that you feel disconnected from your emotions. 

 We feel numb because when we do not allow ourselves to feel as a result of being told our feelings are not correct, we separate from our feelings.

3.  The third indication is that you cannot be loud, joy-filled, or cry. 

 When we are the opposite of what the other person wants to deal with, they shush us and tell us to be quiet.  They take all our enthusiasm and happiness out of us and what we want to share. Even when we are crying, our tears make them uncomfortable. We are not able to be ourselves.  

4.  The fourth indication is that you cannot have your feelings.

Your significant other can have their feelings and emotions, which you must support. However, when it comes to your feelings, they dismiss them, make fun, or tell you you’re too sensitive. This looks like a toxic relationship where someone is controlling how you act. This causes us to disassociate from our own life.  When we are in an environment like this, we feel the need for self-preservation. It is an unhealthy place to be and causes us to believe that we do not have the right to have our own emotions.  

5.  The final indication is that you can’t have a different thought or belief system.  

When you have a unique thought and express it, most often your thought will be discounted. This causes you to not express your beliefs for fear of criticism and makes you revert to yourself and feel alone. When we are not able to have our thoughts, it is a sign of control.

When in these situations, our significant other becomes larger than life. We continue to give them more of ourselves and they continue to take more and more of us. We are seen as a piece of property rather than a human. It is perfectly acceptable to have our thoughts, beliefs, and emotions. When someone is trying to control you, your every thought, and emotion, they are doing this because they are the one out of control.  The only thing they can control is you and everyone around them.  

Take a moment to think, does your situation feel like this? Is someone causing you to hold back your emotions and feelings? Is someone controlling you?  If this resonates with you, it is time to look at your situation and make the necessary changes to take your life back.

To learn more about this subject watch the entire video on Youtube

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