Do you root for the people in your life to succeed or fail?
What do you do on a daily basis to help others succeed? Do you positively build them up with positive and constructive advice, or do you sit back and say nothing? Do you express your human love for others or do you hold back? When a friend tells you about a pay raise or a new job are you honestly happy for them or do you think of yourself? After receiving the news that a friend received a raise and a great job, most people immediately glad-hand or say quick congratulations and then within the same second, they think about themselves. Some people never think of the other person and barely even hear the other person speak, because they are so into self. We’re not delving into narcissistic behavior today, but we are delving into “Undercover haters.” I realize that hate is a tough word but what is the opposite of love…it’s fear and with fear comes hate.
It wasn’t until recently that I realize what some of the rappers are trying to say within their music, when they talk about the “haters.” In life we have people that don’t like us, it’s the fact of life. The people that don’t like you or don’t want to see you progress and succeed can go by it in two different categories.
Category #1: Hating to your face
Most people get very uncomfortable even depressed when they overhear others talking negative about them. The ways in which people can be direct about hating is through direct confrontation, talking behind others back in a derogatory manner, and/or seeing negative comments written about you either in social media outlets or in print or online. The direct hater is one who makes their feelings known and you know they don’t like you. With regards to haters, the direct hater to the face is much easier to deal with because you know where it’s coming from. You don’t have to look over your shoulder and wonder how another person truly feels about you; instead you know how they feel about you. You might not like how they feel but you know how they feel and that’s more than half the battle. In this situation, there is a chance of working things out and finding common ground. Either way, worked out or not, you know where you stand and that’s a good place to be.
Category #2: Undercover hater
These people are sneaky and crafty in their hatred for you. Instead of coming out in the open and letting you know, they hang in the shadows. Sometimes these people are acquaintances and sometimes they can be your closest friends and other times your family. Undercover haters come in all forms and fashions. There is no mold for this person and they can do the most damage in your life if you can’t pinpoint them. Realizing there is no direct evidence makes it more difficult to pinpoint. However, they aren’t impossible to figure out. In order to figure out an undercover hater, you have to use your senses, your common sense, and your honest life assessment abilities. You too must take an honest look at yourself and see your real motivation. Because, if you are an undercover hater and you are experiencing undercover hatred, then it’s you manifesting the hatred for yourself. If you are hating as well you can’t expect others to do right by you and be there in honest celebration for you when you aren’t their for them.
On the other hand, if after you do your honest assessment about yourself and you know without a doubt that you go out of your way every chance you get to do the right thing by others, then you have the right to take offense to hatred but you have to do it in a way that helps instead of taking away from you. At this time, if you have realized that you indeed champion others and are their for them even when the chips seem down for you, then you are on your way to a happier more productive future.
Examples of actions by Undercover Haters:
- Doesn’t acknowledge when something wonderful happens in your life.
- Avoids you when things are going well in your life
- Only seems to be around when they are on top
- Seeing an article about you in newspaper, magazine, alumni news, etc. and they don’t tell you about it or call you to congratulate or acknowledge it
- With regards to social media, they see posts on Facebook, Twitter, and/or LinkedIn and don’t post a comment and don’t even push like to LIKE it.
- They continue to bring up past failures in your life and reminding you of them in a seemingly “friendly” way
- Won’t allow you to live down something “stupid” you did in the past by always bringing it up when something good happens in your life
Catch the next upcoming Berges Blog on Part 2 of Undercover Haters!
The Upcoming Berges Blog will provide you with the tools and information needed to uncover and eliminate the Undercover Haters in your life. The blog will also provide tools for seeing people in your life with honest clarity no matter their station in your life.