On a daily basis, I speak with a lot of people, and the majority of these people are unhappy in some way with their life. Whether it’s their career, relationship, no relationship, growth, or growing apart, there is something. The first thing I tell my clients and my friends is to begin exploring…education is key. You can’t begin to think that you want something until you know what it is and then you must go after it. It could be, it might be, and it might not be…you won’t ever know until you try.
Whether it’s a career, a person, a new way of thinking, a life venture, a new approach to life, or a uniting or dividing, all of these things must be examined and clearly understood by you prior to action or non-action. Based on universal understanding, to not know and to consider is futile. In general, we as a species would rather bitch and place blame on others for our unhappiness than to take credit for it ourselves. How many times have you heard, “we’re staying together for the children,” “I got married, made vows and I have to stick with it no matter what,” “I’m never getting married,” “I’m never getting married again, not after what happened to me,” or “I’m not going to get hurt again.”
On the flip side, when you see something you want but you don’t know exactly if it’s right for you, people say that thing or person is a fantasy and no fantasies can be reality. Why not? What can’t it? Who says it can’t? You say it can’t…therefore it can’t. Otherwise, without restrictions come progress, knowledge, and personal understanding.
Problems People Complain About:
- Life in general
- Not being married
- Being tied down
- Not being able to pursue one’s goals and dreams
- Couldn’t do something because others wouldn’t like it or agree with it
- Didn’t want to do it alone
- Loneliness or being smothered
- Soul mates, real or fake
- Independence lost
- Change or uneven growth with partners
How do we change this unhappiness? How do we make things right? When you’re 85 years old and you realize you are older and it’s difficult to get around, at what point will you think of all the things you did or missed, and are you honestly you or the you others want/wanted you to be?
It’s time to take an assessment of your life. This Life Assessment is something that should be written down. All the things your life makes up, all the avenues and facets of your life, personal and professional, love, career, responsibilities, passions, etc. If you are unhappy at this time, you must find what facet is causing this internal unhappiness. You then must begin to figure out why does it make you unhappy, and what’s either missing or frustrating you in your life, at this time. Take an honest assessment on all facets of your life; what’s missing in your life, what needs help, and what’s helping in your life. You will notice where the unhappiness or uneasiness is coming from.
Sometimes, we do things that make us feel uneasy, stressed out, or some other emotion. In order to understand why you do this particular thing, you must get to the root of you, the person, and your key values. For many people their core value underneath all else is LOVE. When we do things for love, we can do things that at the time seem or feel wrong, make us feel insecure, or put us in another emotion. However, if the underlining reason/value is love, then it’s not done out of hate or fear. Understanding that concept is the first step, it doesn’t change the way you feel, and instead it allows you to see why you do something. For example: If you are in a relationship and find yourself interested in another person, you should explore why and what that is. I am not advocating leaving your relationship. In order to grow and understand yourself you must get to the root of the feeling, and you can’t do that by sweeping your emotions/feelings under the subconscious rug, ignoring it, or acting as if it doesn’t exist. In order to be a productive person for yourself, you must take the time and explore what makes you tick and why you feel a certain way.
Society and for the most part, all of us, have certain values, judgments, and moral concepts. We are brought up with these concepts and we have learned how to bestow guilt on ourselves. Guilt is an internal killer that is created individually and is created due to our subconscious and conscious beliefs. Whether we understand it or not, we tend to cling to these beliefs and even allow ourselves to suffer to stick to these beliefs. Sadly, when we stick to these beliefs, we tend to make another suffer with us, not to our knowledge. For example, if you are needing independence, you are raising children, you are married, and you aren’t able to identify yourself anymore, you must get some clarity by stopping, taking a step back, and possibly taking some time for yourself. You may feel guilty about this need an instead of doing this stay with the marriage and children with no time and no independence of your own. Down the road you may either fall into a grave depression, have hostility and anger towards your spouse or children, and/or you may at that time mentally and emotionally snap. We are individuals with individual needs and individual wants who must have physical/mental room to provide movement to grow and learn new things about the world and ourselves. Life is filled with the need for contact and understanding as well as growth and change. No one stays the same forever and no one should have to who is alive and breathing.