Original content by Ashley Berges
When we are in a toxic relationship we look toward the other person to determine if the relationship is toxic or not. When we are in a toxic relationship we do certain things, we act certain ways, and we question ourselves about many things.
8 Things we do when in a Toxic Relationship
The first thing that we find ourselves doing in a toxic relationship is we begin to question ourselves. The other person has told us negative things about us such as, we are selfish or self-centered, we need help, and we are the problem in the relationship. After hearing this so often we begin to wonder if this is really the truth. This is one of the first indications that causes us to think that maybe we are in a toxic relationship.
The second indication that we may be in a toxic relationship is that we find ourselves apologizing for everything that goes wrong in the relationship. We even find ourselves apologizing for the way we act or our responses. We find ourselves apologizing for the things that make us who we are. Is this because we are in an environment where we cannot be ourselves?
A third indication is that we just do not feel good enough. This often goes back to the fact that our significant other is constantly questioning us about things that we do, choices we have made, and things that we have said. We begin to question our validity, wondering if we made the correct choice. We find ourselves in a place where we worry about every decision we make. This is a clear sign that something is not right in the relationship. If we fear making decisions because we may mess it up, is it an internal fear or is it because we have been consistently told we make bad choices?
Not knowing where we stand in the relationship is a fourth indication of a toxic relationship. It seems as if the relationship is either hot or cold. We are either the best person on the planet or the worst. There does not appear to be any moderation or grey area. This is a distinguishing quality of a very tumultuous and toxic relationship.
The fifth indication is when the relationship is very competitive in nature. Competition is not bad, it can be good. When we are in a romantic relationship with someone, competition is not always right in this place. When a relationship becomes competitive across the board, such as who has the better job, who makes more money, and who is better looking, this is no longer a healthy relationship.
The reason this competitive nature comes into play is that one or both people feel insecure and they are trying to show the other person that they are more valuable or better than they are. This could be an indication of a serious underlining problem.
Reacting to everything they say, is the sixth indication of a toxic relationship. Instead of responding to what your partner is saying, we seem to always be in reaction mode. We feel like we are always on the defensive. This is why we find ourselves in an emotional reaction. When we emotionally react, we tend to say the wrong things and feel that someone is trying to question us or say something negative about us.
The seventh indication that we may be in a toxic relationship is that we are constantly thinking about them. We put them first. Most often, we give little or no thought to our well-being. We put ourselves last, making sure that the other person is good. The confusion of this dynamic is that we have been told we are selfish and self-centered, but it is confusing because we are always thinking about them and putting them first. We find ourselves thinking we need to do and give more.
The last indication is that we have managed to cut a lot of our friends and family out. We have cut them out for multiple reasons. One such reason is that our significant other does not get along with them. It makes it very difficult to spend time with these people when our partner finds all the faults with them. Because we do not want to deal with drama and avoid conflict, we begin to separate ourselves from our friends and family.
On the other hand, it could be that our friends and family have told us that they do not like our significant other and ask questions that we do not have answers for. This causes us to avoid both sides.
Hopefully, this blog has helped us to learn a little more about our relationship and put things into perspective. Perhaps this is the wake-up call we needed to see the relationship as it is. To stop questioning ourselves as we have been doing and to begin to get out of the emotional blender and get clarity in the relationship and our lives.
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