Original content by Ashley Berges
Most of us may have been married for a long time. As time goes by, we may forget what exactly makes a solid marriage. There are 7 pieces of a solid marriage, not a “perfect” marriage but a solid one that can last the test of time. Often, when we are married for a long time we lose sight of these 7 components. If you are not married yet, being aware of these 7 components will help you to be sure if the relationship you are in can be a good solid marriage.
The first concept is support. This type of support is more than financial. We are talking about the cheerleader. The person on your side that cares about you, the growth, what you are working on, and are there for you whether you are up or down. Marriage is an interesting concept especially when one person may be up in the relationship and the other one down.
In this type of situation, it can be challenging, but support is critical and not be competitive, which can happen in a marriage over time. Both mental and emotional support is very important in a marriage.
The second concept is that you want to have things in common with your partner. Opposites do attract, but the perfect opposite should have some common values. For example, you both value the family, children, and religion. This will help to bring you together on the big issues.
The third thing is that you must get along. In any relationship, you must get along with the other person whether it’s a friendship, work, or marriage. To get along with each other we must communicate, listen to each other, have camaraderie, appreciation for each other, and care how they feel.
Physical, sexual, intimacy, as well as an emotional intimacy connection, is the fourth concept. From hand-holding to a kiss, and to sex whatever it is it is important to have some type of intimacy. Sometimes we lose that connection.
Some people resonate more with a physical connection and others resonate more without the physical connection, but it is an important connection that you have to have in a marriage. This physical touch, no matter what it may be, helps in moving the relationship forward and connecting each person both emotionally and physically.
The fifth piece that is very interesting is the need for a spiritual or religious connection. We may not always agree on where we go after this lifetime but we need to be able to talk about those types of things. There should also be an interest in what the other person believes. Having the same interest is important.
If one person does not believe that there is anything past this life and the other person believes in the high spirituality concept, then there is going to be difficult for both people to connect. Having both a consistent ability to talk as well as similar thought patterns, where you can communicate and feel heard is going to make a big difference in the relationship.
Growing together is the sixth concept. The only way we can grow together is to individually grow. We have to work on ourselves by understanding what makes us tick, what we want in life, what are our goals and desires, how we feel, and connecting with our emotions. As we grow with ourselves, our partners need to grow as well. It is the inner commitment to ourselves and the commitment to be there for our significant other. Both people need to grow to create a solid marriage.
The seventh concept is learning together. We want to learn and understand things together. We can take on new hobbies and new things together. Being able to learn things that neither person had previously done and coming together to do something is going to help grow the relationship and not just hold onto old ideas. Taking on new thoughts and paths with the other person can be gratifying.
Understanding what a solid marriage looks like is important. Often, we get lost in what a solid marriage is based on what we see on tv or in the movies. We also can get lost when we look at what our parent’s marriage was like. Their marriage was what we looked at every day, but the question is, was that really a solid marriage? Some of us may have taken on some not-so-good strategies from them or pieces of the marriage that we saw acted out daily, that might need to be changed.
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