When to use confrontation to resolve problems with others.

This post was written by Ashley Berges

Confrontation is goodMost people dislike confrontation. The thought of having to confront another individual causes anxiety, stress, and nervousness. There’s a tendency to question one’s self prior to confronting another individual. We question our self prior to confrontation. We do this to adequately be assured we aren’t part of the problem, and it’s another strategy for putting off the inevitable confrontation.

The tendency to put off confrontation because of our insecurities of directly confrontation causes more problems to arise. For the most part, had the confrontation taken place at the exact time of the deed or situation in question; the problem could be rectified and dealt with immediately with no long-lasting hurt feelings and grudges. Instead, the longer we wait, the more personal internal problems are stirred up within. These internal/emotional issues cause more division between you and that person, and you eventually find it difficult to communicate with that person at all.

Confrontation, in any relationship, is based on actions or non-actions of another person. The reasons for confrontation are but aren’t limited to: disrespect, dishonesty, communication breakdowns, irregular actions by others, a fail to follow through, and stealing. Confrontation gets its negative/nasty reputation because of the personal denial that goes along with it. Instead of dealing with the issue head on, we believe it will get better or change on its own, which it generally won’t, and causes more hurt on all sides. In order to have a truly happy life you must have an authentic life. 

Confrontation is goodAn authentic life is one that is true to self and true to others. In order to be authentic in all of your relationships, you must be genuine and honest with others and yourself. Sometimes we may choose to not confront because we feel we will hurt another’s feelings and we feel we need to protect them. The idea of protecting another by not confronting them is egotistical and irrational. By not confronting someone who needs confrontation you are hurting that person instead of helping. Some people know exactly what they are doing, and others may not realize and without you being honest and confronting them; you are doing them a great injustice. The best possible option is to deal with the situation at the time of the situation so no time goes by and there is no need for confrontation. However, if you overlooked it or waited because you thought the situation would get better on its own and its gotten worse, you must confront the other person before more hurt feelings are created.

If we properly handle problem situations in the beginning, confrontation wouldn’t be needed unless problems continued.  By waiting, we hold onto hurt feelings and unanswered questions, which cause internal chaos and disbelief. These feelings cause a bigger divide between you and the other person leading up to the showdown confrontation.

confrontation goodIn some situations the showdown confrontation can lead to a greater understanding and clarity in the relationship and strengthens the relationship.  (For this to honestly work both people involved in the confrontation must be honest and authentic and not in personal denial.) Another outcome, after the confrontation there is hurt feelings on both sides, and both parties drift away from each other and rarely speak. And yet another, after the confrontation it seems that everything went smoothly and both parties are good, but one person is hiding their true feelings of anger, hostility, and the feeling of being judged.  The relationship in this situation usually continues until a major fight takes place and neither party speaks again.

authentic and confrontationOccasionally confrontations take place between two authentic people and the majority of the time it makes the relationship stronger. When confrontation takes place between one authentic person and one inauthentic person, it severs the relationship because the inauthentic person doesn’t want to take ownership of the problem and in turn is angry and offended by the authentic person. In actuality, the inauthentic person is truly not mad at the authentic person, they are subconsciously angry with them self.  When two inauthentic people end up in confrontation there is no reasoning to how it will turn out because both people aren’t living through authenticity/honesty. (The relationship is very volatile and usually ends as quickly as it started.)

Confrontation and avoidance

Being authentic is a way of life. For knowledge and understanding on how to have more authentic people in your life read The 10 Day Challenge today: https://www.ashleyberges.com/shop-products/paper-back/10-day-challenge-to-live-your-true-alife-paperback/


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