How to find REAL friends
Part 2: *Giving Friends
How to know if you are surrounded with giving people
After doing the positive/negative inventory on the people we allow the closest to us, next we determine the givers versus the takers. Finding giving friends are just as important as finding the positive lifting people. Begin this inventory by looking at each person you spend the most time with and evaluate your interaction with him or her. Do you always invite them to things? Do they reciprocate and invite you as well or do you only see them when you invite them? Do they text or call you and tell you how much fun they had the other night to something you didn’t even know they were attending? This is a small but telling action committed by some. Sometimes a person might not even realize they are doing this and bringing it to their attention can help. On a deeper level, do they overlook the projects you are working on, or are they supportive and inteteseted in your work? Do you feel that you are surrounded with the best people or do you feel that you have a thin support system?
When they are having problems do they come to you? When you are having problems to go to them? When they are having a fabulous time do they come to you? When you are having a fabulous time do you go to them? Several of my clients tell me about ‘friends’ that only come to them when the sky is falling around them and when things are great they don’t hear a word from them. Are you the go to person for when people are down? Have you placed yourself in a position of always getting people back on their feet? If so, are those same people there for you when you need help up? If not, why aren’t they? Why did you hang a sign over your head that reads resident psychologist? Do you like only hearing the negative and none of the positive?
When you and your people talk, text, and email, is it somewhat equal in nature? Do you and them contact each other roughly as much as each other or is it more one-sided? If it is more one-sided, is it you or them that is keeping up the conversation? If it is you, why are you working so hard to keep this thing going? If instead it is they, why are they working so hard to keep this going? And by the way, what is this thing you both have? Is it a true friendship or keeping up appearances?
When it comes to big events like: birthdays, anniversaries, promotions, weddings, funerals, etc., do you both reciprocate and make a point to be there to honor each others lives? Or does one person goes out of their way and the other never seems to make it? In order for a true and real friendship to take place, both people have to give into the relationship. If you are over giving and not getting anything in return and you have done a real personal inventory, then why are you doing this? Why do you want to be with this person so badly that you disregard your self? Do you just like the idea of being this person’s friend? Why? When we are taking our inventory, we must also focus on the growth and health of our relationships. How healthy are our relationships and are we growing together or not?