Original content by Ashley Berges
Repeating negative life choices is a big component of someone who lacks self-awareness. If you live with someone who constantly does this, it can be exhausting. How do we point this out, get them to see what is happening, and get them to make changes?
Some of the biggest negative life choices are alcohol, drugs, work addiction, food addiction, and prescription drug addiction. We watch people go down this slippery slope repeatedly, watching them have regret and sadness. It feels like they want to be able to stop this but they can’t seem to do it. So how do we get them to stop or at least see it and begin to make changes?
We must be very smart when doing this as well as be aware of our issues. The biggest caveat that a lot of people do not think about is that they must be a good example. To bring this type of subject up in conversation we must be a good positive example. We cannot have an alcohol or drug addiction. We cannot have a work addiction or prescription drug addiction.
It is essential to work on ourselves before beginning this discussion with someone else. If we have any of the above and bring up the topic, the blame will be pointed at us. They will tell us that we are the problem. Everything will get turned around and nothing is going to come out of this.
One important warning will be to clean our stuff up before trying to help them clean theirs. If we tend to overdo things, we must control them. This will then allow us to be an example for the other person. Over time, as we are the example, we can calmly point it out to them. It is very challenging when you are in a household where someone else is doing what you used to do.
If you have constantly maintained healthy levels, and been a good positive example for them, then you can have the discussion. When you bring up the topic you want to remain calm and collected. You want to say that you see that they are having a lot of regret or sadness. You feel that they are beating themselves up right now over this situation. Let’s talk about what’s going on and express how this is normal. It is not abnormal for someone to turn to drugs or alcohol for whatever reason, but we need to be able to point this out. What is going on is changing their life.
We can be the help for them. We can be the person who can be there and walk them through the process. It can be challenging, but at the same time, it can be very rewarding. However, we have to walk the journey in front of them, be an example, and be able to ask those important questions to get them to open up to us. If we do not do this it will become an argument of who does what. They will just continue to choose those negative life choices to be able to self-soothe themselves instead of using good strategies to self-soothe. It then just leads back to an argument.
Be the example. Ask the questions, why do they need that addiction, why do they feel the way they do? Try to help them deal with this so that they can lessen the regret and begin to make positive changes in their lives.
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