Why Emotional Walls do more Damage than Good

This post was written by Rhonda Wasserman

Often times people put an emotional wall around them. This is done because most likely they were hurt in the past and are afraid of getting hurt again. We build these walls to protect a broken heart or hide our identity

We build up emotional walls because of things that may have happened to us in our childhood. Perhaps you grew up in a home where it was not ok to share your feelings or emotions. Your feelings were not validated by anyone in your home. Because of this, you learned how to manage and keep your feelings and emotions to yourself. These painful events get reinforced as time goes by. As you began to build your wall, you may have felt very vulnerable and needed to stop the vulnerability. Therefore, not realizing that vulnerability helps us develop deep loving relationships. 

The walls shield us from future pain. We build these walls for self-protection. However, they can also end up hurting the person who has put the wall up. The wall protects us from vulnerable experiences and reinforces our fears. It makes it difficult to build deep, long-lasting relationships with others unless we can figure out how to take the wall down. We also use the wall as a mechanism to find out who will care enough to overcome our trust issues, give us time, and love us. When these walls are erected, it is difficult to feel and understand the emotions of others. This causes us to miss out on loving, and emotional connections.

It is important to be able to break down these emotional walls and learn to be vulnerable. This will allow you to develop beautiful, meaningful relationships with others, opening a world of feelings you may not even have known you had.

As we begin to figure out why we have these walls, we need to explore and identify what caused us to build up these walls in the first place. What happened in our childhood or past relationships that caused us to put up this wall? Also, we need to understand what makes us feel safe, and what makes us uncomfortable. It is important to create a safe place where we can become more vulnerable and develop healthy relationships with trust and love.

We will need to start with building a door or two into the wall we built. An opening to let the closest of people in. Sharing your deepest thoughts and feelings with us. We need people with whom we can show our vulnerabilities and develop trust. The opportunity is there for these people to hurt us, but we must also realize how monumental the opportunity to develop trust is. Trust requires a connection, something you will be able to have once you learn how to let others in. 

In the end, it is very rewarding to allow ourselves to be vulnerable with another person, whether it is a friend or lover. Although it may be scary at first to let go of our defense mechanisms, it is freeing to knock down the wall and open up to new relationships and possibilities. 

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