Our relationship expert shares the main reasons that people have wandering eyes.
By: Ashley Berges
1. Looking for Something
People have affairs when they feel as though something is missing from their life. Instead of looking within and pinpointing what they can work on, sometimes people look for outside solutions. Most people who have affairs believe they’ll find the answer in another person. Usually, what they find, however, isn’t answers but plenty additional questions.
2. Need Validation
We long for validation. We want others to like us and say we’re good. The majority of people having affairs need outside validation because they don’t feel like they’re getting it from home or they don’t know how to validate themselves. In this case, an affair is motivated by the desire for acceptance and it ultimately becomes intertwined with other supporting factors.
3. They’re Bored
Sheer boredom can wreck many a home. I’ve had several clients whose life was progressing smoothly, and one day they felt bored and wondered if the best years of life were behind them. Boredom is one thing but when it is coupled with worry, it becomes destructive. Adventure can present itself in the form of another person. This cures the boredom for a short time, but eventually it turns into stress and remorse. I’d prefer occasional boredom to stress and guilt.
4. The Grass is Greener
The longer we’re involved or married, the more we wonder if our life is good. There’s no handbook on the “correct” marriage or long-term relationship and because of that we aren’t sure if we’re doing things right. Some of us believe everyone else must be better at relationships and we’re falling behind. This grass-is-greener thought process opens the floodgates to not so good choices and a tendency to have wandering eyes.
5. Feeling Unloved
A long-term relationship or marriage takes work, honesty, trust, and love. When one person in the relationship isn’t feeling loved over a period of time, they begin to look for love. Instead of looking for that in friends and groups, they tend to look for it in a person, almost as if to replace the love they’re not receiving at home. This is something that needs to be addressed. Unfortunately people usually feel weird to talk about being loved and security.
6. More Sex
Some folks aren’t getting enough or aren’t getting any sex at home. Men in general equate sex to love more so than women and it can cause resentment and fear of non-validation. If you don’t feel like your needs are being met at home it’s time to have a sit down discussion and come up with a solution. All solutions are unique to the couple and I feel if you give it time and thought you both can come up with something that works.
Perfection is overrated but love is not. Lets take a minute and realize what we have and cherish it before it’s gone . We don’t need to rush through life. Take your time, smell the roses, and understand yourself. Strengthen what you have, work on your current situation, and realize there’s no quick fix.
Ashley Berges is a Dallas-based life coach, family therapist, and syndicated radio talk show host of Perspectives with Ashley Berges, which can be heard on 570 AM KLIF and 660AM KKSY. She has written three books; her most recent is The 10-Day Challenge to Live Your True Life. Visit her website at www.ashleyberges.com.
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Original article on D magazine online: http://www.dmagazine.com/nightlife/relationship-advice/why-do-people-cheat