Who to distance yourself from and how to do it with ease and success.

This post was written by Ashley Berges

Who to distance you self from and how to do it with ease and success.

Live Your True Life

Keeping good friends is important, and just as important is being able to acknowledge and identify the people to distance your self from.  Knowing who to let go from your friend list and how to do it correctly is vitally important to having the healthy and happy life you want and deserve.

 

The A 2 B list of whom to purge from your friend list:

 1.  The Constant Energy Sucker

You have read “Live Your True Life” especially Chapter 2, which is solely devoted to dealing with, resolving, and/or removing negative energy suckers from your life.  You have mastered the concept and put it into practice and there are still one or two people that it won’t work on, doesn’t affect, and they are continuing to create a hostile, negative, and unproductive environment around you.

2.  The Proverbial Dead Weight

This person rarely if ever has pulled their weight and always looks to you to pay for everything, to do everything, and doesn’t lift a figure to help even when they aren’t busy.  The person that always wants a handout from you and they are never willing to ‘pay’ back in any way.

3.  Big Time Users = Big Time Losers

The person that uses you for the people you know, what you can do for them, etc.  They may or may not disguise it, however, when it comes down to being your friend…they aren’t around unless the people, things, what ever they want is there.  If you are in the hospital or on the side of the road somewhere with a flat, they aren’t going to help you.  Many times sadly, there people can be very charming and entertaining and can sap your time when you should be spending time with your friends that truly care.  They usually come on quickly and with lots of energy.  The only way to get rid of them is for them to find someone else that they want something from and their gaze leaves you.  You can also follow what works and works every time and you don’t have to hide, feel bad, or continue to ignore there 100’s of text messages and voice mails.

4.  Liar Liar Lair

A person that constantly lies about everything is definitely someone to remove from your friends list.  This person has more issues on their plate than losing you as a friend.  The constant liar has to protect their lies at all costs.  This person will cover up, project on others, and conjure up lies to divide and conquer when their fear of being caught in a lie surfaces.  These people can be somewhat dangerous as well and should be dealt with in two ways.

5.  Only around when it’s convenient for them

The person that is only around when it’s easy and fun for them is a fair weather friend with little to offer.  This person is the least of your worries but they do take up time when they are around and they are only around when it suits them.  This is something that must be recognized and either accepted or dealt with.  Sadly, many people figure this one out the hard way, they call this person when they need help and they find out how little this person truly thinks of them.

 

For all 5 types, you can use the 5 proven techniques to remove yourself from this non-friend. 

  1. Ignore and refocus your time and energy from this person and eventually they will get the hint.  This works well when there is little time invested in the ‘friendship.’  In a short-lived relationship, you don’t owe anything one way or another.  The length of time someone has been in your life is a significant marker to identify who is owed a face to face and a chance to say their side/their peace.
  2. Dealing with the issue directly with the person it involves. Because some of these friendships have lasted a significant amount of time, a meeting is in order.  Ignoring this person will not work and you will think about it daily, giving this issue energy until YOU step up and take care of it.  Contact them in your usual manner, set up a time and place to meet, preferably a place, which you two can talk without whispering, and do this as soon as possible. Explain your side and your thoughts and allow this person to respond.  If this person is just reiterating the reason you need to end the friendship, then let them know your course of action.  If you want to permanently end the relationship, distance from them for a length of time, or distance yourself from them indefinitely.  Permanently ending the relationship is different from indefinitely distancing.  Indefinitely distancing an individual gives them the right to come back if they make necessary changes and the option exists for you to take them back. When you point out this issue to an individual it can cause more conscious people to wake up and see themselves clearly.  Other times it can cause the person to get angry and walk out.  (There are many actions and attitudes that the other person may or may not take, that’s for another blog.)  For now, what you need to realize is this person, no matter how they left this meeting, may try and come back into your life at some point, it could be years down the road, and you can make the choice to take them back or continue on.
  3. You don’t have to do anything because some people leave as quickly as they came into your life.  Many times, users and fair-weather people come in your life quickly with lots of energy.  For the most part, they enter your life and quickly try and monopolize your time.  These same people, if you don’t do anything, will usually get bored of you and move on.  If you don’t call them to do something, they will usually move on.  It may take a few weeks even a month but they will move on.  Remember a user is looking to use and if you aren’t around to be used then they will find someone who is.  If they are looking for fame, fortune, and to be in the right place with the right people, don’t be surprised that you will see them out in places you go, but remember, thank goodness, they have moved on.  When you see them be polite, for you are the ambassador of conscious living and love.  Just don’t take them back!  Don’t let them talk you into anything.
  4. A.  Switch it up.  Especially if someone is dead weight and you are at wits end, turn it around and see if they get it.  When someone is not carrying their weight financially and you know they have the means, push the wallet.  The next time they invite you out to eat, go out with them, hang out, have fun, and when the bill comes, see what they do.  If they don’t attempt to take the bill, say thank you so much for inviting me out, and thank them for dinner.  If they still don’t take the bait, tell them what’s up.  If you lie and say you don’t have your wallet that would be a lie.  And if you don’t have any money, they would have to pay out of necessity not out of being a considerate and respectful friend.  For the most part, a dead weight friend encompasses much more than not paying their fair share, it’s all the way around, and you do everything. If you are doing everything, this is a one sided friendship with no hope.  B.  If you want to try and salvage the relationship and you have worked through the book and you are using the tools daily, an outside approach is to mimic the other person.  In rare cases when dealing with negative people and sometimes dealing with dead weight relationships, mimicking the other person can really help.  It can only help if you don’t get lost in the negative emotion they are placing on you, you aren’t trying to get even, and you are only doing this out of necessity to save the friendship, and to subsequently wake up the other person to realizing what you think they are unconsciously doing.  Again, you must realize that what you think is subconscious behavior could be completely conscious behavior.  Use this path only when with long time relationships that you think you understand.  When you mimic them, do what they do that bothers you.  Don’t do it over the top but exactly how they do it.  If they begin to pick up on it and ask you why you are acting this way, this might be your in.  Use this wisely and only when you truly believe this is the correct course of action.
  5. If there is a possibility that this person could be harmful, especially when dealing with a liar that is protecting their lies amongst other issues, directly dealing with this issue head on is not a wise choice and should not be considered.  Mimicking is not suitable and hoping they will change is out of the question.  You must eliminate this person from your mind completely.  The more energy you give the situation, the more negative it can make you.  Don’t allow people to manipulate your thoughts.  Your best bet is to forget about them entirely.  If they are truly busy putting out fires on all fronts, they will overlook you and eventually forget about you all together.  If this person is infecting others you know that are your friends, you must weigh the consequences of jumping in and saving everyone.  Even if you know the truth about what’s going on, telling others, if they aren’t ready to hear it, will only get you more grief, and for sure you will be on the radar with the liar.  If the person you tell is not ready for the truth, they will go to the person that you are trying to divide from and tell them what you said.  They will do that for several reasons, they are honestly asking the other person if they know what you are talking about, they are blind to this person’s motives, and or they are getting something from the relationship.  Either way, your disruption to the idiotic dream world/house of lies will only get you surrounded by negativity and possibly a target for revenge.  A person has to be ready to hear the truth and if they aren’t, they aren’t.

 Ashley Berges Live Your True Life



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