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What to do when you CAN’T Ignore the Narcissist

Written by Rhonda Wasserman

Original content by Ashley Berges

June 17, 2024

Even with the best advice, it is not always possible to ignore a Narcissist. Sometimes we have to have conversations and communicate with them to express our truth. How do we do this and, how in the process disarm them as well? 

There are some responses you can use to disarm a narcissist and have those important conversations with them. Let’s take a look at some of them.

One comment that can be used often in a conversation that can be used sporadically but very important is, “Please stop interrupting me.” Most likely in a conversation with a narcissist, they will interrupt you over and over again. They do this for several reasons. First, it is an effort to get you off target. It is done to gaslight you and change the subject. It is also done in an attempt to get you out of control. They want you to get angry and upset because you believe they are not listening to you. 

Instead, you need to stick to the topic of conversation on hand not getting angry or stressed out.  You need to continue to tell them to stop interrupting you. You are conversing with them and need to continue sharing your truth. 

Another good comment that you want to use in your arsenal is, “What is it exactly that you want me to know or understand?” You are saying that you want only the facts. This takes away the mean comments and the put-downs. This is a good comment to make when someone is putting you down or calling you a name. You are not calling them our but you are bringing them back to the terms of the boundaries. Tell me what you want to know and have a civil conversation about it. 

“I hear what you’re saying,” is another good response to use with a narcissist. I hear what you’re saying and I agree with what you are saying are two different things.  It is important to acknowledge that you hear them during the conversation because everyone wants to be acknowledged that they are being heard. We are saying that we hear them but do not agree with them. When we say this, it tells them that both of you are in the conversation together, they are being heard, but it’s now time for you to speak your truth. 

The final thing to discuss here is when you say nothing. It is very powerful when you say nothing. When you do not say anything, the other person then pontificates on their own. When we listen to someone do this they have a lot of circular logic as well as cyclic patterns that we hear from them. This allows you to see how they manipulate and how they roll games. It can be helpful, it makes it so that we do not have to get so emotionally involved.

Instead, by saying nothing, we can see what they are saying, analyze the misrepresentation, their awareness of what they are doing, and what they are not aware of that they are doing.  We can also identify how they are trying to manipulate us and what are the patterns of their conversations and responses to your conversations. By saying nothing, you are not allowing someone to pull you in, have a fight, or engage you in a situation you do not want to be in. 

We want to disarm the narcissists and not have them make us out to be the problem.  It is important to keep our cool, sometimes the best way to do that is to say nothing.

Once we start drawing connections to the patterns, we can realize what we are dealing with. This can be powerful in its own right.

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