Love bombing can feel great! So what happens when things change, and we are trying so hard to get back up on that pedestal? We need to see the switch and understand what happens in that moment and if this is happening to us.
Many of us are unaware that we are going through a love bombing stage. Often, the person doing the love bombing does not realize they are doing so. It is the way they have always done things in relationships to keep the other person with them. Love bombing is not necessarily manipulation but a survival tactic that they have used that works for them. It is the perfect storm; we don’t realize it is happening to us, and they do not realize that this is what they are doing. It feels amazing to us, so why would we want to leave? Eventually, it does go away.
When the love bombing stops, it feels as though a switch has been thrown. You are being love-bombed, getting tons of attention, doing no wrong, and all of a sudden, something happens, and things change. You go from a beautiful person who could do no wrong to things changing. They start changing what they are saying to you; their look towards you has changed.
This shift typically occurs when it feels like something has changed, often due to something that was said or done. It could be a result of your actions, words, or even inaction. Reflecting on the situation requires careful consideration as you retrace your thoughts to understand what happened.
Sometimes, people get pulled off the pedestal because they may have questioned the other person about something they had done, their morality, where they went, or perhaps they did not go along with something the other person wanted them to. What is interesting is that most of the time, we do not know this is happening, we do not even realize that we are on a pedestal. We try to figure out how to get the other person to treat us like they did before.
No one can be permanently on a pedestal. Some people may be able to live a long time on the pedestal, but most have a shorter time on the pedestal. Once you do something that does not go along with what the other person has in mind, they will slowly over time devalue you.
When you are being devalued, if you get to the point of being painted black, you are being devalued in their head. Remember, you could do no wrong during the pedestal phase, while in the devaluation phase, you can do no right.
This can be a very painful time in the relationship. Everything you do or say is wrong. They nag you, tell you how bad you are, and how you can’t do anything right. You have gone from the greatest, most loved person in the world to having the tables turned, and you are an awful person. Constantly trying to get their acceptance and have them see your value again.
When you get to this point in the relationship, it’s interesting because, at the beginning, things were fun. When we go through a relationship and challenging times occur, our brains tend to go back to the beginning of the relationship when things were great. We must remember that the love bombing phase ended. It has ended, and now you are trying to get back into a phase of the relationship that was not true.
The love bombing phase was created in the brain of the person that was love bombing you because of the narrative they created about you and your value. They created a narrative about how amazing you are and put you on a pedestal. It is critical to realize that they put you on a pedestal, a place where no one is perfect and no one can stay.
The great moments were truly great, but over time, they became fewer and shorter. You may be dealing with someone who struggles with anger or tends to avoid conflict, leading to crisis after crisis. In between, there are small memories that we often call crumbs scattered throughout the relationship. We cling to these crumbs because they are the last positive remnants, offering glimpses of the past and validating how things once were in the beginning.
These are all interesting pieces of the puzzle. It can be difficult when you are in it to see when there is love bombing. It is hard to see that we are on a pedestal. Many times, folks who find themselves being love-bombed have come out of relationships where there was not a lot of attention, affection, or love.
Love bombing gives them everything they feel like they have missed. They think that this is what love is about, but unfortunately, it’s not. This causes a disconnect in our brains. We are told that this is what love is, but it does not stay with us.
If you find yourself in this situation, you may find yourself doing whatever you can to keep the relationship. As an FYI, you can never get back to the beginning. The beginning was a narrative that was created in the mind, and over time, that narrative changes because the person can not live up to that reality. It is not manipulation; it is the way the person sees love and wants to see you, as well as how the change precipitates the image and devaluation.
