• Blog

Pedestal Phase Or Genuine Love? How To Tell Them Apart

Written by Rhonda Wasserman

Original content by Ashley Berges

July 1, 2024

Having been put on a pedestal in past relationships, having a new relationship can feel strange when you are not placed on that pedestal. If feels like something is missing and not normal when we are not experiencing the pedestal phase in the relationship. 

We need to accept and understand that when we were in those past relationships we became very accustomed to the pedestal phase. The thrill and the perceived romance of the pedestal phase were something we got very used to. Eventually, things do change, but in the beginning, it feels so right. 

Many of us want attention. We have been in codependent relationships where people have not seen our value. All of a sudden we think that someone sees our value and they care. However, that would be one thing if the pedestal phase lasted, but it does not. We have a tendency to equate the pedestal phase with romance which it is now. The reason why it is not romance is because that person is treating you in a way not based on you as a person. 

It is based on you as the image that they have created in their mind about you. This feeling is not based on reality at all. It is how they think about you, how they want you to be, how they see the relationship with you, and how they romance the concept of you. They have romanced the narrative of you. This is very significant because when you are on the pedestal the reason that you get thrown off is that the image of you has changed. You may have done something very small. Something happened that caused them to look at you and see all the faults and problems.

It does not take a lot to change someone’s image of someone. The image is not based on reality. It is based on how they think about the relationship, how they want it to be, and how they see you. This is why the pedestal phase doesn’t last. 

Another interesting aspect is that when we are accustomed to relationships where we are put on the pedestal we get trained to believe that this is the way all relationships are. This is not true. When we are put on a pedestal based on someone else’s image or narrative of us it is very unhealthy. It is not based on our value, or who we are, it is based on what they have in their own mind.

This makes it easy to switch it on a dime very quickly and turn it around to be so negative. We are left wondering what we did even though we did not do anything. We do not consciously realize that we are scratching and scraping to get back on the pedestal that we do not even know that this person has put us on. 

With every waking breath, we are trying to do the right thing, make them feel better, say the right thing, and bend over backward. It might feel like you get back on that pedestal for a bit but eventually, you are completely discarded. The big problem is that you get trained to accept this at the beginning of the relationship. You get trained to believe that this is how a relationship begins. This is how an unhealthy relationship begins not how a healthy one begins.

It can be very challenging when we have been in those types of relationships because we want somebody to see our value and be enamored with us. We need to realize that the pedestal isn’t real and can be painful. They do not see us in our value, they do not see who we are it’s all about the image they have created.

It is not that they are in love with us, sadly enough they are in love in the moment of the image of the idea of being in a relationship with you. The idea, not the tangible. This is why it is so easy to be kicked off the pedestal because you are a human that does human things. Therefore, the image is eventually going to fall apart at some point and time. 

Ultimately we have to reprogram our mind and heart. We have to realize that the pedestal itself isn’t real. A relationship that is healthy is based on two people in a relationship not two different images or theories or narratives. This all begins by getting to know someone and seeing the pros and cons of the person.

We have to realize that people are not perfect and will make mistakes. This is more of a healthy relationship and accepting, working, and discussing it. Having good communication to discuss the things that we love and what we do not really like. It is better to start a healthy relationship without the pedestal instead of creating a false reality that eventually falls apart. 


Watch the video here: