Stop! Don’t Lose your Identity by Taking on others’ Issues. How to put things into Perspective

This post was written by Rhonda Wasserman

Original content by Ashley Berges

It can be difficult to figure out what we want for our own lives. This difficulty often stems from the fact that we are busy taking on other people’s issues, or we may just have co-dependent tendencies. Co-dependent tendencies cause us to want to care for, help, and be there for our friends and family, putting them ahead of ourselves. 

When it comes to ourselves, we may feel lost. This lost feeling may be a result of the unknown. Our inability to ask ourselves the big questions;

What do we want in life?

What do we want out of Life?

What do we want to achieve in life?

These are some big questions we tend to sweep under the rug that need to be answered. Helping others is easier than looking at our own lives. However, in contrast to our own lives, it is simpler to spot the shortcomings and areas that require improvement in someone else’s life. 

We lose our individuality and what is important to us when we focus more on other people. Consequently, we become less fulfilled in our own lives. As a result, it appears that the only fulfillment we have is when we care for someone else. 


Begin to ask yourself; 

Are you happy in your current life?

Are you happy in your marriage?

Does your job bring you happiness?

Are there things you want to do daily, but are not doing them?

Many of us are at the point in our lives where we do not know what we want because we have not asked ourselves the big questions. When we ask questions, we often do not know what options are available to us. Therefore, we need to begin to ask ourselves some of these important questions. They will allow us to realize that we are deep thoughtful beings who deserve to think about ourselves. Mind you, by thinking about ourselves, we are not becoming narcissists. The point is that many of us do not think about anything that has to do with ourselves. We are almost always an afterthought.

Writing in a journal can be a useful tool in these circumstances. Write down thoughts about how you are feeling. Are you happy, why, or why not.  Ask yourself, what causes you stress. Begin to take accountability for all the relationships that you spend the most time with. Do these relationships seem to be helpful to you? Are they creating value in your life? Do you have some relationships that do not need to be in your life anymore?

Take the time to write in your journal, and think about what you need, and what is very valuable to you. We tend to lose ourselves and our identity because we are trying to help everyone else. It’s time to get out of our co-dependency and focus on ourselves and what we want.

Start to brainstorm and take the time today to begin to figure out what you want and need. Give yourself some time, you deserve it.

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