De-Stress for Moms
You are a mom and you are a woman. Being a woman and being a mom is like being a super hero, because you feel as though you have to change your identity to get to the other you, the mom or the woman. Moms feel they can only be the woman when the child is perfectly ok, the house is immaculate, and the husband/significant other is asleep and it’s 2am and you are pooped. It doesn’t have to be that way!
De-stress, it’s all about your perspective, once you are experiencing a dilemma or life issue- take a step back and honestly rate the issue on a scale of 1-10, 10 being the worst possible thing that could happen to you in life. Because we are living our lives, the situations that tend to arise aren’t life threatening but at the time can feel insurmountable. By taking a step back, looking at the problem with less intensity, and categorizing it, like we categorize hurricanes, you can get a better since of what you are truly dealing with. (Write the issue down and define it-this helps to make it very clear and put it into perspective)
These issues can come in many various forms for you especially since you are living a double life to a degree. You are dealing with screaming/crying and upset child from time to time. Sometimes more than you would wish. Your husband is having to go out of town for business, your friend bailed on a girl’s night out at the last minute, the house is a disaster, your child is ill, or you are missing a meeting or appointment because of responsibilities.
Re-charging ones daily battery doesn’t take hours…it takes minutes. Taking 10 minutes a day to consciously recharge your batteries will do wonders for your stress level, it will offer clarity to both the great things in your life and the issues, and will put things in clear perspective. The recharge is carried out childfree, phone free, and internet free for 10 min. These 10 minutes are unplugged and non-smart phone generated. I know some of you find time to check your email, make calls, and go on line but that is for another time, this is strictly recharging. There have been studies that show that certain devices can zap our energy. While you have 10 min on your own, sit down and begin to breathe slowly and deliberately, as you do so, listen to your breath. When we listen to our breathing, we become aware of how we are breathing and how effective the breathing is. In order to live well and to calm the mind, the body must intake a certain amount of oxygen that helps the body live and regenerate. Increasing the oxygen flow with slow steady breathes for just a few minutes can do wonders to your stress level daily. You can also choose to take a nice walk and do the same by concentrating on your breathing and focusing only on that . When thoughts come into your mind, look at them, realize they are there, and let them go. *Important sidebar, you aren’t your thoughts. When you realize that your thoughts aren’t you, it can change your life. Some of our thoughts can make us stressed out or fearful and when we recognize that our thoughts are separate, we allow the thoughts to come into our brain, we don’t just hear them but see them, and laugh them away. Eventually, after some practice you will be able to spend 10min with yourself and have complete clarity and a quiet mind.
Exercise is a savior for us in more ways than one. Yes, exercise can help you keep off holiday unwanted pounds and it also lowers stress, and it helps the body release what is called endorphins. Endorphins are opioid peptides that function as neurotransmitters. They are produced by the pituitary gland and the hypothalamus in vertebrates during exercise, excitement, pain, the consumption of spicy food, love, and organism. When you exercise you also find a place for the excess energy you are housing. When you find difficulty sleeping-more than not, if it’s not a known physical or mental condition, it is a lack of exercise. In order to slow down the mind and adjust well to stress, exercise is your friend. When I’m working with clients who are moms too, the first thing they say when I bring up exercise is,” I don’t have time to exercise.”
I realize two clear points to this argument: 1. Until you get on a regiment and you are feeling good working out, you won’t want to work out. That means you have to force yourself to do it, be there, and begin by doing 3 days a week. If you like working out in a gym, go to a gym, and begin with cardio and work from there. If you need a partner or a trainer to get you motivated, find a partner or a trainer. Do what you can to make it easy for you to get going on this new regiment and to stick to it. The second clear argument is: 2. I can’t leave my baby for that long; what if something happens. Some of us have a counterpart who lives with you, and they can take over an hour, three times a week for you to workout. I realize it might not be exactly when you want to work out, like evenings,but it’s a start. You can also hire a sitter or nanny a few hours every other day to watch your child while you get some quality of life. I know that most mothers believe they need to be with their child 24/7, but in order for you to still be a woman, a separate person with needs and wants, you have to take some time for yourself. No one is going to give you a medal for never taking time for yourself and sacrificing every day of your life. Your child knows you are a wonderful parent and that you love them.
You are a significant person who is beautiful, smart, looked up to, and needed. Remember that you have abilities, skills, and knowledge that no one has! Don’t get down on yourself or negatively judge yourself when you are overwhelmed, stressed, feeling out of control, or feeling outside of your element. Realize your significance and don’t forget that people are looking up to you and doing by example. If you want to set an impactful and positive role/standard, then put your best dress forward. You are a mom and a woman and you possess skills that others only dream of having. Because of that, capitalize on your skills and abilities and learn to accept what you feel you aren’t great at. Comparing yourself to others does you no good. When we compare, we are missing much needed information about the other person. When we compare with another, whom we think is better; we compare our self with all faults we have deemed ourself to have with this non-fault person. This is not equal, it is arbitrary, and will only make you feel worse. Instead, be the best mom and woman you can be daily. Strive to be better than you were yesterday…not better than anyone else.
Serenity, except that no event, family gathering, or school performance will be perfect-enjoy the moment and stop dwelling on the negative. Perfection is overrated and family gathering can’t be perfect because there would be nothing to laugh about later! *Life is the non-perfect times!*
The holidays can bring out the mega stressors in our lives. Visiting family or having family come to you can add more responsibilities and more things to go wrong. Try to see the positive and to not constantly stress about others and everything. Let the adults take care of themselves and the rest will fall into place. And by the way, you don’t make anyone’s happiness, they make their own and with that means no matter how fantastic the cake is, no matter how beautiful the dinner is, etc., you can’t make someone enjoy themselves or be happy.
Focus on creating happiness within and you will radiate peace and joy.