How to Overcome the Pain after being Ghosted

This post was written by Rhonda Wasserman

Original content by Ashley Berges

Ghosting is the practice of ending a personal relationship suddenly without an explanation or communication. If you recently had someone ghost you, most likely you are feeling confused, alone, abandon, and full of self-doubt.  

There are tools that you can use to overcome these feelings when someone has ghosted you.  When used, these tools will help you find the answer to the question of why it happened to you.  Often, you may think it is about you, you were not good enough or valuable enough.  When you question yourself, you tend to miss the real reason of what took place.  There are five steps that you can use when someone has ghosted you, to overcome it and feel better about the situation

Do Not Call Them Back:

Do not continue to try and contact them.  When you are aware that they are not responding, the more you try the emptier you will feel.  You need to have self-respect.  

 If They Walk Out and Ghost you, they were not Good for you:

Ultimately, they would have done something to hurt you.  You have dodged a bullet.  This person was not able, to be honest, and truthful.   As a result, they had to cut off communication with you.   

Watch out for Cognitive Dissonance:

Cognitive dissonance is something that occurs in our minds to facilitate answers and put meaning into a situation to have a better understanding.  Hence, this results in you putting people into general categories such as being all bad.  For example, everyone you meet on social media is bad.  It is possible to either rationalize or ignore a behavior to fit your needs.  You may also turn the issue on yourself.  This causes you to feel like you did something wrong and you deserved ghosting.  Believing this often creates fear, preventing you from putting yourself back out there. 

Realize that it is not about your Value:

When you’re ghosted you doubt yourself.  When someone ghosts you, it proves that they are the one with the problem, not you. Your partner cannot tell you how they are feeling.  They may have a fear of commitment or perhaps they were just looking for casual sex or were even married.  You may not know exactly what happened, but what you should know is that they were unable to be honest, and truthful.  If they had been honest, you may have known why the relationship was going to end even if you did not agree.  

 Do not continue the Negative Abuse:

As a result of ghosting, you may turn it around and do it to someone in your future.  Do not continue this cycle.  Ghosting is abusive.  It is best to be straightforward and honest with someone.  Remember, ghosting causes a lot of hurt, do you want to hurt someone like that?  We need to be honest so that people know where they stand in our life.  We do not want to give false hope and lead people on. Everyone deserves the truth.  If you have experienced ghosting, end the cycle, and do not ghost someone else.  

Ending a relationship can be difficult. Your partner may not see things the way you do and not be happy with your decision.  It is important, to be honest, and forthcoming. In the long run, your partner will respect your honesty for doing the right thing even if they are not happy with ending the relationship.   

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