How to Identify a Toxic Relationship

This post was written by Rhonda Wasserman

Original content by Ashley Berges

When in a toxic relationship you may look at your partner to determine if the relationship is indeed toxic.  In a toxic relationship, you do things, act certain ways, and question yourself about many aspects of the relationship.

There are eight things you do when you are in a toxic relationship.  Once identified, these things will help you figure out what is going on.  Ultimately, this will allow you to stop worrying about what your significant other is doing and concentrate on what you are doing in the relationship. 

We question ourselves:

We often get blamed by our significant other.  They tell us that we are selfish, overbearing, and self-centered. In turn, this causes us to question ourselves, wondering if what they are saying is true. 

We apologize for everything:

Often, it feels like we are apologizing for the things that go wrong, and for the things that have not gone wrong.  We apologize for our behavior, our responses, and even not feeling physically well.  Are you in an environment where you feel that you can’t be yourself, constantly apologizing for being yourself?  This is a clear indication that you are in a toxic relationship

You don’t feel good enough:

Additionally, we do not feel good enough as a result of our significant other always questioning everything we do, and the choices we make.  As a result of these questions, we begin to question our validity.  We feel like we are not able to make decisions without worrying that we have made the wrong one.  

You do not know where you stand in the relationship:

It may feel that it is either all or nothing in the relationship.  Sometimes everything is wonderful and sometimes it’s all horrible.  There does not seem to be any gray areas.

The relationship is highly competitive:

Competition can be healthy in the right kind of relationship, but a romantic relationship does not seem like a good place for it to be.  When a relationship becomes competitive across the board, it is no longer a healthy relationship. This may be due to the insecurity of one or both partners.  Therefore, by being competitive they are trying to prove their value to their significant other.

Find yourself in constant reaction mode:

It may seem that you react to everything your partner says instead of responding to it. It feels like you are always in a defensive mode, always defending yourself.

It’s all about them:

You constantly think about your partner.  You always put their wants and needs above your own, while not taking the time to think about your own needs.  The interesting caveat is that they have called you selfish and self-centered but you are always thinking about and doing for them. As a result,  It can be very confusing as to why this is happening.

You have cut out friends and family.

Finally, you may have had to cut your friends and family out of your life because your significant other does not get along with them.  They find all the faults with your friends and family.  To avoid the drama and criticism of them, you stay away from them.  On the flip side, your friends and family may have told you that they do not care for your significant other.  Therefore, you avoid them for the same reasons, to stay clear of the conflict.

Moreover, these 8 indications should serve as a wake-up call to be able to identify that you are in a toxic relationship.  This knowledge should enable you to get out of the emotional blender and get some clarity in your life.

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