Be Careful What You Tell the Narcissist

This post was written by Rhonda Wasserman

Original content by Ashley Berges

Many people believe that narcissists do not ask questions because they are self-centered, but this is not an accurate belief. We need to learn how to safeguard ourselves when narcissists ask invasive and personal questions. 

Often, we believe that narcissists do not ask questions. Contrary to belief, narcissists do ask questions. They ask specific personal questions. It is important to understand what is happening and how to shut it down. 

First, when a narcissist asks questions, they do not care that they may be asking inappropriate ones. This is a big red flag. We need to be self-aware and realize that certain questions are not right or appropriate. 

Another thing to consider is that a narcissist does not stop and think about how a particular question may make us feel. Narcissists do not have empathy; therefore, they don’t care how the question may make us feel. An interesting thought is that if we turn this around on the narcissist, they will not accept you asking them the same questions. 

When asked questions by a narcissist that we do not want to answer, flipping the script can change things around. On the other hand, if we do not want to go down to their level, it might be better to just stop the questioning. 

When narcissists are asking these types of invasive questions, they are trying to get as much information about us as quickly as possible. When we realize that we have been giving them the answers to these questions, we often feel ashamed and sad. These feelings can lead us down an unhealthy path.

It is essential to become aware when we are asked personal questions. The biggest red flag we need to be aware of is that when narcissists are asking us these questions, they are holding onto our answers to be used against us. It becomes “forever ammunition,” and not a healthy place to find ourselves in. Everything we have told them is used against us in the future in some capacity. 

When we fall into this trap, we have given away too much of our personal information to them too quickly. Often, this happens on a first call or first date. It is too early to share this information with someone we barely know. 

There are a few tips you should know if this happens to you.

If someone starts asking you personal questions simply tell them you are not comfortable with them. Explain that you do not know them well enough to be going so deep so quickly. Perhaps turn some basic questions on them. Again, it may be better to call them out on the questioning rather than turn the tables on them. The questioning is a power play used by narcissists. 

It is best, to be honest, and straightforward with the questioning we receive. It needs to be shut down for everyone’s safety.  Once we can see what direction the relationship is going, we can then decide if we want to answer the personal questions. We must be able to see that we will be safe with the other person and they will be responsible for what we share with them.

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