If we don’t learn to spot the red flags of controlling and manipulative behavior, we risk losing ourselves in toxic relationships. There are 6 warning signs that you should be aware of.
The first indication is that you no longer see your friends as often as you used to, or not at all.
The second indication is having minimal communication with anyone in the outside world or outside of this particular relationship with that one person.
You are constantly worried about the other person. You are always concerned about how they will respond, what they are going to do next, when you come home, and what their reaction will be.
The fourth red flag is that you feel responsible for the other person’s happiness. This is a huge indication because it means they are not taking responsibility for themselves, and putting all the responsibility back on you.
The fifth indication is that it feels like you are walking on eggshells all the time. You pray that you will not upset them or make them angry. When you do anger them, it most often becomes a long argument. This usually consists of a lot of fighting along with a lot of argumentation, which can be very upsetting.
The sixth red flag is that you cannot keep your head down when you are out in public. You try to keep your head down so that you are not making eye contact with someone from the opposite sex or the same sex, because they may feel like you are interested in that other person. Because of the fear they’re feeling, they’re going to put you through hell for what happened
It is time to reassess the relationship and see how your life has completely changed. Ask yourself the following questions: Did you like your previous life? Do you miss your family and friends? Do you wish that you were able to experience and have that time with them?
If you find yourself answering yes to these questions, in my experience working with clients in and out of this type of situation, the best option is to reach out. Express to your friends and family the situation and what you are going through. Explain to them that you are working through this.
Remember, in order for us to make changes, we need to have support. Both family and friends can be very supportive. If we want to have long-term change in a positive direction, it helps to have a solid group of people around us who care about what is best for us. It is much easier to stay in line with what’s right for you if you are surrounded by supportive people and do not stay in the situation.
If we want to stay in a manipulative and gaslighting situation, that is best when we are alone. When we are alone, the other person can control us. They keep us on uneven ground, not knowing what is going to happen next.
At this time, it’s best to circle the wagons of your family and friends. They do not need to know everything that is happening in your relationship, but you should explain enough that they understand. They need to understand that you have not just cut them out because you did not want them around. If they are truly close to you, they deserve some of the back story as to what is going on.
You should also bring this up to the person you are in a relationship with. If they are not accepting or listening, or lack self-awareness, then this is something you are going to have to get through and overcome in your own life.
You will need to separate yourself from this relationship. Most of the time, the other person does not move on, so we have to make the changes in our lives. We have to secure those changes, and we stick with them; we need a solid support system to do this as well.
