The Connection between How we Love and Attachment Styles

This post was written by Rhonda Wasserman

What is your attachment style, and what effect does it have on your relationship?

Folks have different attachment styles. Attachment styles are the way we relate to others in relationships. Most likely our attachment styles developed in early childhood. The way our parents related to us crafted our attachment style which has carried through to our adulthood. 

There are 4 main types of adult attachment styles. Secure, Anxious, Avoidant, and Fearful-Avoidant.


A secure attachment style is the ability to form a loving and trusting relationship. This type of relationship allows us to get close to people. However, in this type of attachment, we can understand and accept the need for personal space within the relationship, without feelings of jealousy or abandonment

Anxious Attachment Style-

People with anxious attachment styles tend to be insecure about their relationship. This results in a fear of being left by their partner. Often, they are searching for constant validation. In particular, being overly needy or clingy are both signs of anxious attachment style. 

Avoidant Attachment Style-

One identifying aspect of avoidant attachment style is having trouble trusting or getting close to people. In this case, close relationships can make folks with this style feel smothered. Additionally, they keep their distance in relationships and try to stay as independent as possible.

Fearful Attachment Style-

Having a fearful avoidant attachment style results in people wanting attention and affection but doing whatever they can to avoid it. It is difficult for them to have relationships, but they have a desire to feel loved. This can be a very confusing and difficult attachment style to understand.

However, attachment styles are not just influenced during our childhood. The significant relationships we have in our lives can also impact our attachment styles. Our attachment style can change as we experience more types of relationships and become more aware of our style. Therefore, it is not impossible to change our attachment style with work and understanding of ourselves. 

By taking the time to learn and understand attachment styles, we will be able to better comprehend how the earliest attachments have an impact on all of our relationships.

Take the attachment quiz below to learn about your attachment style:

Watch the video below to learn more about attachment styles

Listen to Ashley’s podcast to understand how our attachment styles can affect the way we argue.

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