The Borderline and the Narcissist, can they have a Successful Relationship?

This post was written by Rhonda Wasserman

Original content by Ashley Berges

What happens when a borderline meets a narcissist? What does it look like when they join in a relationship?

The first thing that usually happens is that the borderline is amazed by the confidence a narcissist has. To the borderline, the narcissist is everything they are not. They believe the narcissist has all the qualities they want but do not have. As a result, this draws the borderline into the relationship faster. The narcissist validates the character of the borderline. 

Both the narcissist and the borderline tend to form intense attachments extremely quickly. Usually, they meet and have an intense relationship right away. They may not know each other very long but they form a very intense romantic relationship. What is interesting is that they usually do not know a lot about each other. This intense romantic relationship causes them to forget about all the important things they should know about the other person before jumping into a relationship.

Borderlines love to be in love.

They love the concept of unconditional love, even if they are not able to unconditionally love themselves. This need for unconditional love from others is an attempt to avoid loneliness, emptiness, and sadness. When someone has a love interest in their life, they do not need to look at what is missing inside of them. Therefore, allowing them to focus on the other person. 

Over time the borderline can feel that they are not happy in the relationship with a narcissist. This sense of unhappiness evokes their feelings of abandonment. As a result, they will continue to accept a lot of the personality of the narcissist to avoid being abandoned by them. Most likely in this type of relationship, the narcissist will leave the relationship first because the borderline is too afraid of being abandoned. 

On the flip side, the narcissist will choose a partner based on the appeal the other person has to them.

The borderline feels that they have so many inadequacies, but see the narcissist as having everything they do not. Furthermore, the borderline loves building up the narcissist and the narcissist loves it as well because it makes them feel better about themselves, supplying the self-esteem they are wanting.  

What makes this situation so intriguing is that the borderline ultimately wants love and wants someone to be there for them so they are not alone. On the other hand, narcissists just want someone to be there to build them up. This relationship most likely can last for a while but eventually, something must give. 

The biggest challenge for both individuals is being able to see each person, all aspects of them, the good and the bad. They must see each other for who they are, not just the extremes, but the in-betweens. Being self-aware is a key factor in these types of relationships. It is important for everyone to understand why they have put themselves in this type of relationship in the first place. 

Finally, in this type of relationship, both people come together very quickly in the relationship because they are both getting something they want. Over time the intensity will diminish and eventually break down the relationship. 

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