Identify the Patterns of Overt and Covert Self-Sabotaging Behavior in Your Life

This post was written by Rhonda Wasserman

Original content by Ashley Berges

Did you know that your most important friendship is with yourself? Often, we believe that the most important friendship is with others. We do whatever we can to make others happy. We must learn that the most important friendship is with ourselves and work at it to make it a reality. 

Let’s look at patterns of self-sabotaging behavior and negativity. We have a tendency of sabotaging ourselves, especially when we have negative thoughts about ourselves. We tend to do this in a cycle pattern because we have always done it and most often are not aware of what we are doing. 

When it comes to self-sabotage, we must be aware that we are doing it. Often the self-sabotage is way over the top, and obvious. On the other hand, some of us do it a little bit more covertly. An example of a covert form of self-sabotage would be as follows: it is bedtime and you must be up early for bed. You decide a few more drinks will not hurt you. This type of small self-sabotaging behavior adds up over time. 

Self-sabotaging behavior undermines our value. It tells us we are not valuable enough to be taken care of, we are not valuable enough to do the right thing, so it’s okay that we do these small things and put ourselves under stress. We need to realize where this concept comes from. Somewhere in our minds, we are accepting the fact that we can do these things. We have also not been our own friend, and police ourselves into doing the correct thing. 

Another example is when you are with another person and you that person is a great friends. You have told them that you need to be at work early in the morning. The friend would tell you that it is a bad idea to continue drinking and both of you should go home. This is what we need to be doing for ourselves. Instead, we have a tendency of doing the opposite of what we need.  

Many of us don’t eat properly or get any exercise. This is an example of self-sabotaging our health. For us to do what we need to we have to be able to have the energy and the health to do it. Our health is one of the most important things. When we have problems with our health, it gets in the way of everything in our life.

We need to start asking if we are self-sabotaging ourselves, and if the answer is yes, then figure out how are we doing it. Are we eating and drinking things we should not be? Are we getting involved in toxic relationships? Have we lost our identity in relationships and feel very negative about ourselves? All of these things are personal sabotage. 

This all happens to us because of low self-esteem and low self-worth. When we do not feel great about ourselves, we tend to sabotage ourselves because we feel as if it is ok. A lot of times with sabotage comes toxic relationships. We allow those relationships in our lives that bring us down, but why are we doing that? We need to work on these thought patterns. Why are we allowing this in our lives when it hurts us and does not add to our quality of life? 

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