Original content by Ashley Berges
Does someone in your life have double standards? Is it ok for them to do certain things, but not ok for you?
There may be people in our lives that have double standards. It appears double standards and control go hand in hand.
Some people can do whatever they want in their lives, but when it comes to other people and their own life, they have restrictions on what they can do. Rules and regulations are put on us to control what we can and cannot do.
The rules that are placed on us are used as a means of control. We must live up to set standards. If we do not meet that standard then there must be something wrong with us. In the meantime, the other person can do whatever they want. It’s a double standard, they control what we do but do not focus on themselves.
Many of us have folks in our lives that demonstrate double standards and control situations. We need to look at our family and friends to be able to identify if this is happening to us. Control can bring out feelings of resentment. At the beginning of a relationship, we may not recognize that the other person can do things that they do not want us to. Once we can see what is going on it feels like the rules only apply to us and not them.
Personal choices are areas in which the double standards seem to be more evident. We are told things such as, do not drink alcohol. When we drink, we are told we have problems, on the other hand when they drink all is good. Often it appears that they are the ones out of control, yet they are telling us what we cannot do and how to live our lives.
It can be frustrating because the person is not living up to the standards that they are making us live up to. It can be very difficult to navigate the waters when you are with someone who has very little self-awareness. Double standards and poor self-awareness go hand in hand. It can be a very narcissistic thought process when someone tells you that you cannot do something but they can do whatever they want. They can mandate the rules but do not have the self-awareness to follow them. Additionally, it can be a combination of self-centeredness and not being self-aware. They make the rules, enforce them, and do not have those rules apply to them.
When we deal with people who have double standards sometimes we can point it out and bring it to their attention. It is a very rare occasion that these people can see their situation.
Often, these folks have a black-and-white thought process. Double standards go along with the black-and-white thinking as well as the control. The only way we can process and deal with this is to not allow the double standards to get to us. We need to govern our own lives and find freedom within the relationship. We must learn to listen to what the other person is saying, consider it, but not necessarily follow it. This can be difficult when we are controlled for so long, but being able to find our freedom will be very powerful for us.
It is important to realize that when someone is using double standards and controls us, catering to them and doing what they ask will allow them to bully us and run our lives. Therefore, it is essential to get some autonomy and freedom and realize that they do not live up to their standards, so why should we?
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