Calling the Narcissist Out Versus Distancing Yourself

This post was written by Rhonda Wasserman

Original content by Ashley Berges

Do we call the narcissist out or do we distance ourselves from them? This is an age-old question we have wondered what to do about. Most likely we all want to call them out. It would be nice to be able to kick them off their self-made pedestal. However, narcissists can be very vengeful and can come after us because we are telling the truth and exposing them, and they do not want to be exposed. 

 What we do depends on what we want. It depends on the amount of stress we want in our lives. When dealing with a narcissist and their flying monkeys, they report everything we do to the narcissist. As a result, we need to ask ourselves how much more stress we want. We hope that the narcissist moves on and finds someone else. As harsh as this may sound, they eventually must find another victim. 

When we do call the narcissists out, they can go after us, be argumentative, make our lives a living hell, and create more havoc, stress, and strain on us. Moreover, we need to think about what we need to do in our life and focus on what we need to focus on, to put our lives first, we need to stick to the following protocol.

The first thing to do is block the narcissist. If the narcissist is constantly messaging us and leaving messages that create havoc in our lives, we need to block them. We do not need to see negative comments every day of our life. 

Ultimately, we do not want to speak to the narcissist. If there is a way to cut off communication with them, I suggest doing so. Even if it is a family member, which can be very challenging, especially if it’s a close family member, there is no reason to speak to them. They do not need to know anything about our life. Remember, there is nothing sacred to talk to a narcissist about. As a result, remember that whatever we tell the narcissist, could be on a billboard for the world to read the next day. 

We do not want our friends and family to bring the narcissist around. They should not be allowed in our homes, around our children, or family. Therefore, this needs to be made very clear, we are not calling them out, but we are saying we do not interact with this person and they are not allowed in our home. 

We do not want to act as if we like the narcissist to anyone. There is no reason to sugarcoat the way we feel about them. If they are creating havoc and pain in our lives, do not say how great they are to others. It is better to say nothing.

In addition, if we have friends that are friends with the narcissist, we need to make it clear to them that we do not speak to this narcissist anymore. If they ask us why, it is best to not go into the reasons why. Just repeat that we do not speak anymore and change the subject. 

If someone asks us why are not talking to someone anymore, It is best to be honest. Tell them that we respect ourselves and are working on our self-love. We are not going to let certain types of people around us anymore. Moreover, we are building a solid foundation around people who care about us are authentic, and know what’s best for us and we have what is best for them in their life. 

Equally, it is important to remember that the person who sides with the narcissist, the flying monkey, can change at any moment. Whom they are going after, the person they are choosing to make their lives hell can change. They can turn on people at any moment. Often the narcissists flying monkeys do not even realize that they are getting something out of the whole situation. They feel good because someone is listening to them and the narcissist is giving them attention.

 Furthermore, no one is safe with the flying monkeys around. If we are safeguarding ourselves and not giving any personal information out that can be used against us, this will keep the flying monkey and the narcissist at bay. Eventually, they will not have anything to talk about when it comes to us. Ultimately, we want to distance ourselves to avoid bringing any more pain into our lives. We are taking the higher ground. Finally, we need to think about what we need to be doing in our lives. Who do we need to cut out of our lives and what types of people do we need to spend our time with to flourish and be our authentic selves? 

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